The Wizard of Rangeman Part 1
by Lulubelle09
Summary: A Stephanie Plum take on the Wizard of Oz


**So I watched 'The Wizard of OZ' last night, and then as I was drifting off to sleep I started to dream this. Not being paid, just for fun. All rights reserved for those that own them.**

Stephanie huffed as she bent over, hands resting on her knees. She had been chasing after, Sandy Hills, FTA on assault and animal cruelty. Sandy, after being kept away all night but the barking of the dog next door to her, went over and started kicking and throwing the poor dog around. When the owner saw this they rushed out to save their dog and Sandy's attention was turned on them.

Stephanie turned to walk back to her car. She would try again tomorrow. Just as she was approaching her car she a man throw his still lit cigarette into the gutter by her car, which was filled with oil that had leaked from her car and then BOOM!

The entire care lifted off the ground, there must have been some petrol mixed in she thought as she ducked the burning bits of car that went flying around her. Something must have hit her as the world went black around her.

_Stephanie awoke, seated in the car she had just witnessed being blown up. She sat up but the world outside looked weird, overly colourful and bright, the sky a blue that would never be achievable in New Jersey. _

_She stretched and opened the door to step out. She heard a squeak from the back seat and looked back to see a bigger than usual Rex. She quickly gathered Rex and put him in her handbag. As she walked around she grew more confused than ever. Where is she? How did she get here? And was that really a lollypop tree, coz she could use some sugar._

_A beautiful women appeared from nowhere asking Stephanie if she was a good witch or a bad witch. Stephanie replied that she was not a witch, and that she had no idea where she was or how she got here. The women was no one she had ever seen before, beautiful and graceful. She told Stephanie that she feel from the sky in a car and landed on the evil witch of the east, freeing the people of the land._

_Stephanie tried not to scream and the munchins emerged. She kept having flash backs from the Christmas she helped out Diesel and was ambushed by the 'elfs'. They thanked her for freeing them, but no one could tell her how to get home. Just as the beautiful witch was about to speak a flash of fire, some smoke and the smell of sulphur revealed Joyce Barnyard, The Wicked Witch of the West._

_The Wicked witch wanted the shoes from her dead sister, but being the one to kill her, the magic shoes went to Stephanie. They were amazing red sparkly high heel shoes, more importantly they had the words Manolo Blahnik in that beautiful writing across the bottom. Stephanie almost died with joy._

_The witch was not as pleased, with a scream of rage and threats of retaliation the witch disappeared. _

_Stephanie turned back to the beautiful witch and asked how she could get home. The good witch told her to follow the tastycake road and it would lead her to the City of RM and the wizard, who can help her home._

_Stephanie walked down the wrapper road, stopping now and then to check on Rex or pluck a brick from the road to eat. _

_After walking for a long time Stephanie was not happy. She sat on the side on the rood and asked aloud "why me?"_

_"Why not you?" came a reply_

_Stephanie jumped up, clinging her bag and Rex closer to her. She looked around but couldn't see anyone other than a scarecrow. Her spidy senses where not tingling so she sat again, wondering if in this weird place the sky talked back._

_"Gosh this place is so weird!" she exclaimed _

_"So are you beautiful" came another reply_

_"WHO IS THERE?" she yelled_

_"me" was the reply_

_"Who is me?"_

_"You wound me beautiful. How can you not notice such a handsome man?"_

_This time she was looking at the scarecrow and saw him talking._

_"Oh my gosh, your alive!"_

_"Well I'm not dead" _

_"Well can you tell me how to get to the city of RM?"_

_"I could, but could you help me in return?"_

_"It depends" replied Stephanie not too sure she liked the way the scarecrow was looking at her. He looked familiar but her head hurt when she thought too hard about it._

_"Could you help me off this cross? I'm stuck up here and it's so hard to pick up women when you can't move. Then again it's hard to pick up women as a scarecrow. I used to be a man you know? But a witch cursed me, just because I never called her!"_

_Stephanie laughed, "Oh Dear, of course I'll help you down"_

_Stephanie and the scarecrow struggled but managed to get him off the cross._

_"I'm Stephanie, what's your name?"_

_"I'm Lester"_

_"It's a pleasure to meet you Lester"_

_"Not yet it isn't, but I can make it one if you want" Lester the scarecrow wiggled his eyebrows suggestively._

_Stephanie just stared at him_

_"So why are you going to the city of RM?"_

_"I'm going to see the wizard, to see if he can get me home. Do you want to come with me?"_

_"Well sure, I'm sure I can find some honeys there to keep me happy. If not maybe I'll ask the wizard if he can turn me back. Apparently I'm stuck like this until I learn to use my other brain, whatever that means."_

_Stephanie laughed, she was sure she knew what that meant._

_"Come on then Lester, let's go see the wizard." _

_Together they walked and walked, thought it was not so hard when there was some to keep you company. _

_Stephanie tried to pick an apple for Rex, only to find out that trees were alive in this strange new world, and didn't like having their fruit picked, but didn't mind throwing it at people._

_After some clever thinking by Lester, Rex had some fresh apples to eat and all was well, until they ran into the Evil Joyce Witch of the West._

_"Are you going to give me my shoes yet or shall I continue to force your hand?" she had said after appearing in a cloud of sulphur smelling smoke._

_"Leave me alone! These shoes are mine and as all Jersey Girls know, finders keepers!"_

_"Yeah you old witch leave her alone, just cause the shoes make her butt look beyond fine and her legs a mile long" came Lester's reply_

_"Oh it's you again. I thought you'd have learnt your lesson by now. Maybe you wanna come home with me and I'll remove that spell and we can get to know each other again." _

_"Yeah right, I'll take my chances with the curse and Steph. There was a reason I snuck out and didn't call"_

_"I wouldn't be hanging around with her if I was you. I will get those shoes, one way or other!" and with that she disappeared again._

_"I can't believe you slept with her!" Stephanie exclaimed to Lester_

_"Yeah well, she's a wicked witch. I just wanted to see how wicked, and let me tell you that women is seriously wicked! She's into things no normal person would even consider."_

_Steph and Lester were about to continue walking when Rex jumped out of the handbag and ran into the forest._

_They followed him until he came to stop beside what they thought was a silver statue, but turned out to be a man made of tin._

_"OIL ME" came his desperate plea and so Lester and Stephanie oiled the man until he could move easily. _

_"Whatever are you doing out in the middle of the forest?" Asked Stephanie._

_"Well I was cutting wood and it suddenly started to rain so I rusted up, you are the first people to come across me in sooo long."_

_"Well I'm Stephanie and this is Lester, he's not really a scarecrow a witch cursed him. We're off to see the wizard."_

_"Hello Stephanie, Lester, I'm Bobby. I was in an accident and my body was squashed so they remade me out of tin, but I feel like they forgot to make my heart. Thank you for rescuing me. Would you like me to show you the way to the TastyCake road?"_

_"Thank you so much Bobby that would be great. Would you like to come with us to the city of RM? I need to ask the wizard if he can help me get home, and Lester wants to ask about his curse."_

_"Well that and I can't wait to see the ladies again, I'm sure I can rock this scarecrow thing to my advantage."_

_Stephanie and Bobby rolled their eyes at each other, "Maybe I will come with you." Said Bobby the Tin Man, "If he's all you have for protection, you'll never make it through the deeper forest where the tastyCake Road goes. Maybe I can ask about a heart."_

_Of the three of them went, laughing and having fun, until they came across the soon to be fourth member of their adventure._

_Stephanie let Rex out of her handbag for some exercise as the three of them sat down to eat some apples and TastyCakes, not that Lester or Bobby had ever eaten Tasty Cakes before. Out of the shadows of the tree came a HUGE lion like man, growling and chasing Rex, who went straight back into Stephanie's handbag. _

_Stephanie jumped up in defence of her poor hamster, "Hey you big bully! Pick on someone your own size!" she screamed as she jumped in front of her handbag and Rex, hitting the Lion Man with a half-eaten apple._

_"Not that he might find anyone his own size" coughed Lester to Bobby._

_"Ouch, what did you throw that at me for? I didn't hurt it!" the Lion Man cried, holding the shoulder the apple had bounce off, "and you don't have to be so mean, I can hear you know"_

_The three traverlers were stunned by the timid nature of the huge Lion Man._

_"I'm sorry," said Stephanie, "I just got scared and reacted."_

_"That's okay," said Lion Man, "I get scared all the time"_

_"What's your name? I'm Stephanie."_

_"My name used to be Tank, but that was when I was a man, I was kind of a bully, intimidating people with my size and natural strength. One day I bullied the wrong person and they said if I wanted to be king of the jungle then so I would be, and ever since I've been a lion."_

_Stephanie gave the lion man a hug_

_"But it's scary in the forest, and the people of my town won't help me. I told them I learnt my lesson but they don't believe me. I tried to intimate them, but they just went inside and I couldn't open the doors as a animal. I've been so lonely and scared here in the forest. "_

_"Why not come with us to the see the wizard of RM? I want to go home and he is the only one that can help me. Lester was cursed to be a scarecrow by the wicked witch of the west and Bobby became made of tin after an accident but he thinks the forgot to give him a heart so he's going to ask, after he sees us safely to RM. Maybe you can ask to for the courage to be strong and not a bully."_

_"Okay, I'll go with you, but we should go my way."_

_"No, we are following the TastyCake Road and that is that; don't puff your chest at me!"_

_After walking a little bit more the four became closer friends and by the time they reached a field of beautiful flowers. In the distance they could see the gates with a giant R and M on them, getting excited they ran across the field but soon Stephanie and the Tank were dragging behind and then falling to the ground. _

_"It must be the wicked witch" said Lester, picking up Stephanie and continuing to carry her._

_Bobby attempted to drag the lion by his feet but soon it was too much for him and they stopped to try to figure out a solution. _

_"What do we do?" yelled Bobby_

_"I don't know, we can't leave Tank here asleep and even if we did manage to carry Steph out we don't know if she will wake up on her own." Lester was desperately trying to figure out some way to help his new friends._

_"Help, please somebody Help us" shouted bobby to the sky_

_Lester scoffed at him but soon enough it started to snow, and the snow seemed to wake up the sleepy heads._

_"Thank You" Lester said to the sky as he carried Stephanie towards the RM gates, with Bobby and Tank walking behind them._

_From her home, the beautiful witch smiled. She had found good friends to help the sweet women on her quest to return home._

_Knocking on the gate the four waited breathlessly as the gate creaked open and a man dressed in black stepped out, "Welcome to Rangeman, state you businesses?"_

_Stephanie stepped up to the man, nervously she looked back at her friends, then spoke, "Hi we're here to see the wizard"_

**There might be another update for the rest of the story, I'm not sure. I just wrote this to get the creative juices flowing again after a long absence. Also there will be an update on But He's Gay very soon, with an explanation of the delay. Thanks to all who have read this, please review. **


End file.
